So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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