I cockslap morals
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
