you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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