I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
