I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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