I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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