running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
