Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
