you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
