So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
