Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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