Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
