im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
