before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
