It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
