Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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