I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
