But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
