She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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