so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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