oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
