I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
