you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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