Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
