Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
