I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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