Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
