ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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