You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
