just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Nicole vs. Life
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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