Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
