If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
