Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
