He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
