he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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