My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize