If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
