so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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