I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
