you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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