"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
