I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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