Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
