Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
