Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize