on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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