forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
