my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
