Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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