You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
where does the pee come out of this thing
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
